The start.

After four years of hardworking and many sleepless nights, I finally graduated from the paramedic program and I now need to choose where I want to do my OJT. I received many offers but because I want to stay in Montreal, I am keeping two options.

Choice 1 : CHUM.

Choice 2 : Hospital Maisonneuve Rosemont.

CHUM.

With the recent explosion of Covid-19 cases in Montreal, the director of the hospital summoned me to give a hand to the nurses. Because many of my paramedic colleagues were employees, and I was still a trainee, I had to stay helping them. Unfortunately, one paramedic broke his arm while doing CPR, and he needed to be replaced. My boss then asked me if I want to go or stay.

Choice 1 : Go.

Choice 2 : Stay.

Hospital Maisonneuve Rosemont.

After two years of working as a paramedic, I started to develop a serious relationship with a woman named Jade. Suddenly, she announces to me that she is pregnant and that she intends to keep the baby no matter what my decision. My life is turned upside down.

Choice 1 : Do I reject the baby?

Choice 2 : Do I want to be in the baby's life?

Go.

A few seconds after taking my decision, we get a call from someone whose claim he saw someone getting shot several times. Immediately, my partner and I hop in the truck, and he drives a few minutes until we arrive at the location. While preparing the dressings such as bandages, towels and disinfectant, we see a silhouette approaching the victim. Suddenly he pulls out a gun and points it at us and then shouts " GET OUT BEFORE I SHOOT!".

Choice 1 : Do I try to reason him to drop the weapon, so I can save the victim?

Choice 2 : Do as he said and just go?

Stay.

A few months have passed and I start to realize how fragile life is. During this time, I met this ten-year-old boy named Cedric who is suffering from leukemia. He always comes see me while I'm taking my breaks, and we play some mobile games or I teach him some basic knowledge in CPR. Suddenly, he stops showing up, and I am getting worried.

Choice 1 : Do I look for him?

Choice 2 : Do I forget about him and just continue my routine?

Do I try to reason him to drop the weapon, so I can save the victim?

Before I could even open my mouth, I lastly heard a gunshot and I saw my whole life flash before my eyes. I'm laying down in the middle of the road trying to call for help. I am taking my last breath...

Write a choice here.

Do I do as he said and just go?

By reflex, while my colleague enters the side door, I run back and drive. Frightened for my life, I realize that I could have died just because I wanted to do my job correctly. Since this day, the remorse of not being able to save the helpless victim still hunts my thoughts and my dreams.

Write a choice here.

Do I reject the baby?

I am in shock, I think about how this mistake changes my whole life. I tell Jade that I am way too young and immature to be a father to this child and I don’t want to be. Surprisingly, Jade does not respect my decision and wants to sue me in court to provide for him. I am not sure if I just say yes or I take her to court too.

Choice 1 : Am I willing to pay the child support?

Choice 2 : Do I try to win the case in court?

Do I want to be in the baby's life?

I took a big step forward in making the decision to be in the child's life. I do not believe that I am ready to be a father, but I am sure that I will love this child endlessly. Jade suggests that we don't take an ultrasound because she doesn't want to know the sex of the baby. I am not sure if it’s a good idea.

Choice 1 : Do we accept to procede to do an ultrasound on the baby?

Choice 2 : Do we refuse the ultrasound?

Am I willing to pay the child support?

Finally, I decide to provide for her and the needs of the child. I didn't want any trouble but I hated her for putting me in that position. She insisted that she wanted me to be in the baby's life. With time, she persuaded me and I realized that I wanted to be a father.

Write a choice here.

Do I try to win the case in court?

I'm so angry with Jade that she can't stand my decision. I deserve to have the right not to be in the child's life, so I decide to go to court against her. The more we advance, the harder the days are. The pursuit takes all my energy and my money. She eventually wins, but I end up with nothing.

Write a choice here.

Do we accept to procede to do an ultrasound on the baby?

I talked to Jade about my concerns about not taking an ultrasound. We could know if the child is healthy or not. She understands why I don’t want to wait, and we decide to do it. The doctor tells us the sad news that our baby is sick, but we caught it before it got worse. Our child will be taken care off and will continue to grow up healthy.

Write a choice here.

Do we refuse the ultrasound?

I think it might be a good idea to have our child’s gender be a surprise. It makes it intriguing and exciting. Time passes by and suddenly Jade is in pain but the baby is far too young to be delivered now. We go to the hospital, and they tell us that the baby is too sick and has little chance of surviving. I have the impression that my heart is being ripped. What if we had taken the ultrasound?

Write a choice here.

Do I look for him?

My first instinct as a paramedic is to tell myself that something happened to him, and he might got sicker. I keep looking everywhere for him and I ask all of the employees if they have seen Cedric. They all keep looking at me strangely when I ask until an employee told me that he has been dead for 2 years. Was I really seeing a ghost this whole time?

Write a choice here.

Do I forget about him and just continue my routine?

I tell myself that maybe he was transferred to another hospital. It happens very often so I don't worry more than that. On the other hand, it makes me realize that the brief moment I had with Cedric is why I love my job. Every patient impact my life for better or worse, but it gives me the opportunity to be a better paramedic.

Write a choice here.