The Weight of a Choice.

I finally graduated from Social Sciences after two years at the Cegep of Thetford. I had my diploma in my hands and I felt proud, but overwhelmed at the same time. People kept asking about my future and theirs questions started to feel maddening. I knew I had two real options which were pursuing my dream of becoming a teacher or listen to my passion for traveling. I felt stuck between both, but, at least, I knew I didn't want a dead-end job with absolutely no fulfillment. Should I follow a structured path and get into Laval University, or should I take a gap year?

Choice 1 : Get into Laval University

Choice 2 : Take a gap year

New city, New Life.

I got into Laval University! I moved to Quebec City. I have to mention that the campus was very big and unfamiliar. I started my elementary education program and the classes were more in-depth, such as the expectations that were way higher. I tried to stay focused because I really wanted straight A's. I believed that being focused and having strong time management would help me pull it off, but I quickly felt the pressure. I had nobody to help me go through that because I didn't know anybody, and I haven't made new friends. I had to choose how to adapt. Should I focus only on school or should I try to build a social life?

Choice 1 : Be social

Choice 2 : Focus on my studies

Academic Pressure.

I decided to stay focused on what was most important for my future. I spent hours studying and preparing harder for my exams. I tried avoiding distractions, and I put aside anything that could affect my grades. At first, it worked really well, and I was pulling it off. Overtime, the pressure built up, and I started feeling isolated, because I wasn't putting aside time for me or to do things that I liked. There was a big lack of balance, and it began to affect me, and my motivation a lot. Should I keep pushing myself to maintain perfect grades or should I take a step back to protect my well-being?

Choice 1 : Keep pushing

Choice 2 : Take a step back

Social Life.

I chose to get over my shyness and my desire to succeed to be more social. I met new people and got involved into many activities. My colleagues also invited me out, and I just didn't want to miss out. At first, it felt like an advantage because I felt included and less alone. Although it was great, my schoolwork started to suffer, and I realized I couldn't do everything. On the other hand, they invited me to a big party. I want to go because I just made new friends, but I can't fall further behind academically. Should I go to this party, or should I stay home to catch up on my coursework?

Choice 1 : Party

Choice 2 : Stay home

Burnout.

I kept pushing to the point my grades weren't even that good anymore because without balance it wasn't worthwhile. I burned out and felt powerless and disconnected from everything. Also, the lack of social interaction created a sense of alienation. In fact, I really thought that discipline would guarantee success, but I guess I was wrong!

Choice 1 : Try again!

Choosing Me.

Instead of continuing like this, I decided to step back. I finally admitted to myself that I was completely overwhelmed and that pushing myself wasn't working anymore. I started putting aside some study time to rest and rethink my priorities. At first, I felt guilty because I felt like I was giving up on my goal of having straight A's. After a while, I realized that was really what I needed with better time management and not more pressure. I began studying in a more thoughtful way and took the time instead of rushing everything. Although my grades weren't perfect anymore, I felt a lot more stable, more relaxed, and that's the real prize!

Choice 1 : Good decision!

Party.

I chose to go to the party. I didn't want to miss out, especially after finding my people. At first, I felt awkward, but my colleagues made me feel included and for the first time since moving, I felt like I truly belonged somewhere. I laughed, danced, met new people again, and forgot about school for a while. I finally felt free after weeks of pressure. In the evening, someone approached me. They asked me if I had ever considered modelling. I laughed hard at first because I truly thought it was a joke, but they were absolutely serious. They explained they worked with a small agency and were looking for new faces for upcoming campaigns. I was so unreal that, at that exact moment, the only thing that came out of my mouth was that I would think about it. A few days later, I got contacted by the same people, inviting me for a real casting. My life was opening in a completely other direction, but modelling has also been one of my dreams.

Choice 1 : Accept the offer

Choice 2 : Decline the offer

Stay home.

I decided to stay home instead of going to the party. I thought it was the responsible choice and that I needed to focus on my work still. I did that all the evening. The next day, everyone was talking about the party I didn't go to. People have met each others and formed groups, so when I tried to join, everything was already set, and I felt out of my place again. More than that, I understood people saying that Pitbull, my favorite rapper, showed up as a surprise guest! I couldn't believe it. I had stayed home for absolutely nothing!

Choice 1 : Try again!

Modelling Changed my Life.

I decided to take the opportunity to get into modelling because I felt the urge of fulfilling my dreams when I had the chance to do it! It was in fact very fun, and the recruiters said that I was really made for that. My confidence in myself improved, and I really felt that I was in the right place, at the right time. I still continued my studies to become a teacher, and I made my way into the modelling business.

Choice 1 : Good decision!

Rethinking my Past Decisions.

I ended up not accepting the offer and going back to a normal life. After some time, I started thinking back to that night and to that modelling offer I declined. I caught myself wondering what would've happened if I had accepted. A few weeks later, I was scrolling online, and I saw a campaign online. I immediately recognized the agency. The person they had chosen looked similar to me, same style and same look. It hit me so bad. That person could've been me. I had turned down an opportunity that could've actually led somewhere and I just felt like I've giving up on my dream of becoming a model for a dumb decision taken too fast.

Choice 1 : Try again!

Gap Year.

I decided to take a gap year after Cegep. I felt overwhelmed by school and I just wanted to live new experiences. Traveling was a great idea to achieve that, but still I had an important decision to do in the first place which was where would I go?

Choice 1 : Europe tour

Choice 2 : Hawaï

Europe Tour.

I chose to discover Europe. I travelled from city to city, and I really liked it. Everything felt really exciting, and each places I was going to, were absolutely breathtaking. I lived new experiences, tried to learn new languages and met a bunch of new people. Eventually, I met a family in Italy, the place I enjoyed the most, and they really wanted me to stay there for a while. They even offered me a place under their roof.

Choice 1 : Stay with the host family

Choice 2 : Continue solo travelling

Hawaï.

I chose Hawaï because it is truly one of the most beautiful places on earth in my opinion. Staying there made me feel more free and relaxed and it was so easy to get sucked up in the lifestyle. There were always activities happening, the sun was always shining, so I just went with the flow. One day, I had to choose how to spend my time.

Choice 1 : Join a hiking group

Choice 2 : Go on a sunset boat excursion

Host Family.

I stayed with the host family. At first, it felt really good learning their culture, the ins-and outs of their daily life, and I adapted myself to a completely new routine. Overtime, I started feeling stuck. I had less independence than I expected, and I felt like I was just following someone else's rules. It became a bit hard and in the end I didn't enjoy that much staying at the same place. I just felt disconnected from my original goal of freedom and exploration.

Choice 1 : Try again!

Solo Travelling.

I continued travelling alone. I felt alive and I was excited. I discovered the beauty of Europe and made a lot of news friendships with people from different countries. I even gained a lot of independence and travelling like that, only with a backpack, was truly the best decision I could've ever made in my entire life.

Choice 1 : Good decision!

Hiking Experience.

I joined a hiking group in the mountains. At first, I stayed quiet, looking at the beauty of the landscape, but I ended up walking next to a guy for most of the hike. We talked in an in-depth way, and it just felt really natural. Afterwards we stayed together for a bit without planning it and before going our separate ways he asked me out on a date. Even thought he seemed like a really nice guy, I still had issues trusting him.

Choice 1 : Go on that date

Choice 2 : Don't go on that date

Sunset Boat Excursion.

I went on a sunset boat excursion. Everything felt calm and worthwhile at first. Some people went swimming, so I joined without thinking too much. I was really fun and much better with a beautiful sunset in background, but something unexpected happened. I felt a sudden sharp pain in my leg and when I took a look I just realized I got stung by a jellyfish! I stayed a long time in the hospital, so that screwed up my entire trip.

Choice 1 : Try again!

Guy from the Hike.

I decided to give my contacts to that guy I met on the hike, and we talked all night. I told him that I wasn't sure about the date because I didn't know him and we just met like 6 hours ago, but he really wanted to see me again. He in fact thought I was really pretty. I was one of the first times that I've experienced something like this, so I wanted to give it a try! I had to choose between to choices of places that he gave me.

Choice 1 : Beach date

Choice 2 : Fine dining date

Single as a Pringle.

I decided not to go on that date because I wasn't really in the mood to meet up with anyone even though he was the nicest and cutest guy ever. Days went by, and I saw people hanging out together, wearing matching sets, and just being deeply in love and that made me regret my decision. I just lost the opportunity of living something like that. In that way, I may have let the love of my life slip into my fingers.

Choice 1 : Try again!

Beach Date.

I absolutely love the beach! That's why I chose that place for my first date with the cute guy. From the beginning, the atmosphere felt easy and comfortable. We walked along the shore, talked about our travels, and laughed a lot without even forcing anything. The conversation flowed naturally, and I was just really happy around him. I wasn't overthinking anything and I just felt like I was over the clouds. I can confirm with my heart that I just found the love of my life.

Choice 1 : Good decision!

Dining Date.

I love restaurants and eating! That's why I chose that type of date. At first, everything felt normal and the guy was in fact really nice and funny. We talked a lot about ourselves, and he told me that he was allergic to mangoes. I didn't think much of it, but when came the time to order dessert I totally forgot and chose one that had some in it. He gave me a bite of his dessert, so I wanted to do the same, without thinking, but after a few seconds, he realized my dessert had mangoes, and he automatically reacted. The situation escalated quickly. He got stressed so he left the table. I stayed there, panicked. After a while, he came back to pick up his things. He was furious. He said that I had not been careful at all and that I could've killed him. I felt embarrassed and guilty and I just lost the guy I was starting to catch feelings for.

Choice 1 : Try again!